"What do you think you're doing?! You still need to do your homework! Get going."
"B-but..i'm busy.."
"Oh? With a video? That's no excuse."
"It's really interesting though! You know it is.."
"Eh..it's neat..still.."
"Just lemme finish this one and we'll see.."
"<_< fine.."
----
"Can you get going yet?.."
"I'm kinda tired..maybe a nap first"
"Nono just finish it up and you can sleep"
"I can do it later don't worry!"
"Well if you can do it later do it now.."
"I can't concentrate like this..goodnight"
"Wait!.."
----
*groan*
"Now can you?.."
"I'll try.."
----
"Care to explain why there's a video playing again?"
"Not really no"
"Just turn it off and write it already.."
*sleepily begins writing with an expression of disagreement*
----
"Why'd you stop? You only have 4 lines down!.."
"Well..<< friends..and things.."
"...." *turns off computer*
This was pretty funny! I couldn't stop laughing! I think you did a really good job with the dialog in terms of just developing a conversation that was difficult and creating the dialogue itself! There were a couple of miscues though. I think it hurts your dialogue that you haven't really made an attempt to mention to the audience who you are talking about. I mean the audience can probably assume that this is between a parent and a child, but you shouldn't let the audience make assumptions of your work like that. What might help is to either give a brief description of the scene where you can mention who is talking to who or you can simply just say this person said this and this person said that.
ReplyDeleteNice post! You did a good job choosing a relatable subject matter: procrastination. I'm pretty sure every high schooler has to have this difficult conversation all the time with their parents! I was a little confused... was he taking a nap or going to bed for the night? You might want to clarify that! I agree with Sourjya that you should establish who specifically is saying what. Im assuming that it was a parent/child conversation, but you might want to be more specific.
ReplyDeleteActually i meant it to be kinda confusing just like thoughts are; heck it was supposed to be talking to themselves as well so..
ReplyDeleteThats why i didn't have any people names such as
Person: "____something____"